Sunday, September 21, 2014

Home - 174th Day

It is Sunday again. Another week has passed, another week of observation now gathered. Learning to be happy with myself again. This 3rd chapter of my life - "Coming Back Home", has started of with nothing but a bumpy ride. The ride has seemed to settle down now, with an occasional bump or two here and there. At this rare instance of clarity, I now lay my unrestful thoughts on the internet.

From the day I landed on the grounds of Malaysia, I soon began another journey of soul searching. Soul Searching Part 3. From finding myself safe in the arms of my parent's nest, to rekindling old friendships. I felt as though I was a new born chick eager to explore what lies ahead in this big untouched world of opportunities. I ran full speed ahead, not stopping for anyone, not stopping for anything. I fell - unexpectedly, face forward, on my all fours and instead of getting up again, I stood down to absorb all the pain. When I stopped, I reflected back in the past to examine the source of my falling, only to realise that I have started acting like a teenager again. Reckless, young, wild and disgustingly free. There was no one to stop me from my actions or inactions. No one to judge me for who I have been if they do not see who I can be. For a moment there, I have lost everything I learned for the past 6 years of being away from home.

I crawled back up, with pain in my heart, and with a better mind resting on my shoulders. With determination, I will not end my life's pursuit immaturely. I will have to be patient and push through to reach stability again. This time, we will incorporate the "me" from Malaysia together with the "me" from Australia. We will slowly be one again, because I am after all, the ultimate preacher in seeking balance. Time is running out. I have to start putting myself out there. I will not lose out again. This time, I will grasp every possible golden opportunity to get myself back to being the person I wanted to be again. The girl full of dreams and passion that faded away the moment she landed on KLIA.

This is a new journey. If I choose to go through it with pain and sorrow, it will be filled with only pain and sorrow. Note to self: Please choose growth, feel gratitude, seek contentment & happiness.  I will have to work smart and work hard to catch up with my peers, and I will soar further than anyone will ever have. I will now stop worrying of what I do not have, and start having gratitude for what I have. The Universe has been showing me signs that they're listening to my thoughts recently. I have recently felt spiritually alive again.  Time will unfold, that all that I have gone through will soon yield results. It is time to declutter and cleanse myself, rid myself of the unnecessarily heavy burdens of the past. It is time to move along, and press through. This is prime time. Come at me, world!