Inside here.

status : [ torn apart ]

I wish i never knew the feeling of falling in love again.
It just means it's the beginning and a relapse of a never ending nightmare.

I've watched a very touching movie once.
And there was when i heard "if you don't understand something, stand under it."
It doesn't make sense, yet it somehow seemed to have a deep meaning to it.

Everyday it's the same cycle,
you wake up from your sleep,
you go to school,
listen to the teachers nagging at you,
threatening to give you a demerit ticket.
Then you go to recess,
with your own cliques,
and the nagging and sounds of teacher's scoldings goes on and on.
Then you go home,
take a shower, have your lunch,
and then it's time to go for tuition classes,
because the teachers in school were spending 3/4 of their time lecturing on how important it is to be a good student.

Simultaneously, you receive heartbreaking news,
from loved ones, hated ones, and everyone.

You force out a smile,
even though deep down inside you're hurting so badly.

You never had the chance to be someone important,
you always took a step back just to make people happier.

You played the role of a super glue,
trying to patch things that were broken into pieces.

You not only worry about making your friends unhappy,
you worry that you would disappoint your parents,
you are worried that your parents would be ashamed to answer,
when someone asks them "how many A's did your daughter get for her big examination?"

Then, cupid just had to disturb you at the wrong time,
and at the wrong place,
you start to fall in love,
you start to fall in the trap,
it was a relapse of that never ending nightmare.
Love, affection, passion
Hate, revulsion, antipathy.

Your Prince Charming only appears in your dreams,
Dreams keep you alive,
they keep you going,
making you wish that someday there WILL be a Prince Charming.

Jealousy takes place,
anywhere, anytime,
one second she was your best friend,
the other she was someone you loathe.

But then people say,
that's just the way life is,
you play along,
you move along,
you go on and on,
pondering,
wondering,
when will you be that successful person with 3 Mercedes parked in your garage,
when will you be that doctor whom everyone worshiped because you found out a cure for cancer,
when will you be that wonderful girlfriend your boyfriend talks about 24-7,
when will it be the day you tell people that you actually can score straight A's for your exams without a single doubt,
when will you be the one to actually catch the leprechaun from the other end of the rainbow.

the past, the present, the future,
what happened in the past,
was what you chose to happen,
what happens in the present,
is what you choose to happen,
and what will happen in the future,
is what you will choose to happen.
It all lies in your hands,
your mind,
your heart,
your decision....

Feeling ultimately emotional right now,
i know i know,
move on,
I get it,
that's all people say.

when i was filled with enthusiasm. you came and tore me apart.