Rotting away

I feel so lifeless..
i never knew you really could get over what we had so soon.
because,
i never did no matter how hard i tried to.

I feel like I cannot feel anything anymore,
everything that i do,
everything that i see,
everything that i touch,
does not affect me in one way or another.
as much as i would like for the next day to pass by,
and for a better day to come,
that day just seemed so far away,
it was almost unreachable.

In this world so big,
with people surrounding me almost 24/7,
talking to me almost every second,
yet i feel,
so alone,
like no one was there for me,
no one wanted to be there for me.
and as i long for the perfect person to come,
that person who will get to know me right from the core,
he never came,
and i find myself digging for answers and excuses even more.

it's funny,
because no matter how many times she said she understands,
how many times he told me he wanted me real bad,
how many times she explained she didn't mean what she said,
how many times he refuses to apologize,
how many times she said she cared,
when it tempted me, to trust every single word they said,
it all ended up being lies,
not the way i wanted things to be there,
i may not be able to see or know the truth,
but the feeling was there,
the secrets, the "white" lies,
they were all there.

feeling so exhausted mentally,
as i play the games that people lead me into,
struggling to survive,
by forcing a smile through,
never once i thought i would cry,
for a boy like you,
but i did and i would lie,
just to not remember you.
words that you said,
i remembered them clear and i listened so careful,
just to end up with nothing,
but tears and feeling remorseful.

i really really want to hate you.
because something tells me i should'nt have loved you,
* you never wanted me anyway.
look who's playing with who now