Why?

Seems to me like no one knows what are they feeling right now.
All these mixed feelings,
of anger, jealousy, sadness, happiness(though never will overwhelm the others).

Why are all those negative emotions so much more stronger than the positive ones?

Why do we consume ourselves into all these emotions,
that will only make us feel worse?
Why do we as human beings,
can NOT stop seeking for sympathy.

There's a hierachy,
and everyone wants to be the queen.

It's not fair that I always have to think about how to help chase those negative emotions away from others,
and yet,
after much thought put in,
after many thousands of words used,
to no avail,
nothing happens.
I just see people,
going down,
sinking deeper, right in front of my fucking eyes.

IN MY VIEW,
everyone's sinking deeper,
I look to my side,
and someone else is taking up my job.

I want to be that friend i used to be.
I don't want YOU to take over my job.
Give it back to me.. please?

My mum used to ask me why my friends come and go so easily.
She said, it must be something wrong that I've done to all my past friendships.
Guess what?
I've lived for more than 18 years,
and I still don't know what the fuck did I do wrong,
to not be able to maintain them.

Is it because I'm too invasive?
too insensitive?
too sensitive?
too obsessive?
too afraid that I'll lose you guys?

I'll never get the assurance,
not from anyone..
but myself.

Then what's the whole point of living,
when we're all meant to live in denial?