They don't understand.

Parents. They make the effort to understand and I know they do care, but how come I jsut cannot tell them what am I going through? Too personal I guess. They think that I'm a selfish person only wanting myself to be happy. Not them. That's not true. I will NEVER dump my parents when they grow older. I still need to depend on them till the end of my lives. They are the ones that can teach me anything and almost everything. They never trust my love for them. They have doubts on my love for them. Maybe I'm at wrong by not communicating with them in a proper manner. Sometimes, I just couldn't help myself. I am rude I know, and I've always wanted to change. And am trying to change. But if they did not bother tell me, I wouldn't notice either. There are a million of I LOVE YOU's I owe my parents. And I really want to shout out to them that I really do love them. Why can't they understand? All I hope for is their trust, but I only have myself to balme for not proving to them that they can trust me. Alot of mistakes I made, so I can't entirely blame on them. But calling me selfish, I can't bare that. It's like they don't know me. I'm not a selfish person. I'm more willing to give than to take. I don't know how to prove to them that I am not selfish. They seem to think the opposite of what I am thinking. I can't read their minds. Urgh, how frustrating. I feel that feeling again. That really down feeling that has been there all this while. How can I kick it away? It's like something better than super glue has attached it to my heart. I can't do this alone, and I know not just any person can get rid of this feeling for me. In school, I forget that feeling I have inside, but when I wait for my mom to come pick me up or see my best friend who has no clue he hurt me deep inside, the feeling comes back and stabs me again. Ouch, it does hurt, till I feel tears in my eyes coming out. But i hold back I don't want to be sad. I am determined to kill this feeling inside of me. I'll have to start from scratch, with someones help, not just anyone. But someone. And by the way, readers, please don't find me pathetic. I'm just looking for a place where I can let it all out. I don't want to care about what others think just this once.