now.. i know how much it hurts.

The worst way of missing somebody is when you're right next to him yet you can't be with him. That feeling hurts. so much.. the pain in the heart.. tries to get out. I took the knife. I wanted to help the pain go away. But I feared. I didn't do it. It hurts so much when he told me that he is with another girl and asks me to wait for him. What on earth is wrong with him? I shouldn't have let him go in the first place. He said he would wait but he didn't. I just didn't want to drag him into this sticky situation i have. I want to be okay. I don't want to think about being sad. Or think about the past. That's where his role comes along in my mind. I think of him. I want to be okay. And when I was ready for him again. I was let down. Down ..down.. down.. He really hurt me. This time it wasn't me who gave somebody high hopes and crushed it. He did it. The one I love. Why did he have to do this to me? I really want to get over this pain inside. I want to take it out. But WHAT piercing shop would be open right now? The pain lingers... Tears as pain as toxic rolls down on my cheeks. In my mind I can only think about him and find a person to confront to. This is where I find myself again like a black shadow in the world full of colours. Wishing that someone would notice. So I can share my thoughts. my sadness. Let someone do it with me so it won't hurt that much. No one came. No one will come. I never knew something I did to wish that everything would be better ended up like this. It turned out worst. Knowing that after we lsot each other, he's not at all sad. Happier than before.. With his new other half. How are words going to come out from my mouth congratulating him that he has found another person. I WANT to be with him. I miss him. SO much. And it really does hurt having him to be just right next to me knowing I can't have him. I really don't want things like this to happen anymore. Just when I thought I found the right one. Everything's gone. Gone.. like the wind. No.. he's not coming back. I want to hate him but I can't. Life.... hurts. Everything does right now.