Confused

That's how i feel.. confused.
and blinded at the same time.

I know i've left my blog unattended for quite a while. It's just that i didn't have the right mood to blog, what more, i have nothing to blog about.

This blog was initially created so that i would have a space where i can rant, cry and share my thoughts of life. It soon turned out to be a bimbo-ish blog about my everyday life, and then it turned out to be a place where people talked about shit and rectums... which certainly drew more of people's attention.

And then, i started to feel awkward blogging.. I don't blog the way i used to anymore. That's because i don't like the way people think and they always had a word to say about it.

As i browsed through links after links to blogs of random people i've found that many people blog differently. Some constantly rant about cockroaches/ants/exams and almost about anything, some complain that life is miserable (which made me feel sorry for him/her and for myself), and there were those who blog to entertain their readers... and heck they're good.

This is where i come to a crossroad, what am i doing with this blog of mine. I initially didn't want the attention of getting almost any kind of readers. But what the heck.. i was loving the attention and the fact that my blog is where people clicked to talked about shit.

When I published the last post, i thought i could've kept on posting something like that, maybe something better.. just to entertain my readers. There's where i felt blinded. Blinded by the thought that i was actually a good blogger. when i wasn't. It's like i had a spark, but there was no gas to ignite that initial idea i had. It was frustrating, it was baffling. Every time i looked at the blank page that was about to be something posted up on the internet, I feel dumbfounded, I had nothing at all. It's like *poof*. there goes that friggin idea.

I've not been blogging like this for a long time. Holidays aren't making things better. I've been doing practically nothing apart from watching old dvd's again and again.The fact that Heroes are on season break AGAIN makes things worse. Great, nothing but stupid dvds to watch. What's better? nothing to blog about except being an emo freak all over again.
This is stupid. Life is stupid.. and boring may i add...

The fact that i know that people ARE reading my blog kinda makes me nervous and more cautious about what I say. And when i mentioned people, What i meant was people i didn't know, complete strangers possibly from the other dimension.... since they're so fond of talking about poo-poos. =.= Even now, as i type this post, I keep "backspacing" what I typed initially because I was worried of what more people would comment about.

I would like to continue defending myself from the "attacks" of utter idiots who obviously had nothing to do and likes to post comments that had nothing at all to do with the post i published, but i give up.

She resented being told constantly of something she knew she wasn't

After all, this is just a place where i rant and talk about people I don't like. I do not deny that I've been defending myself in many different ways before, but so what? Don't tell me that when someone slapped you, you'd just stand there and stare, terrified that he/she would make another move. Well, i'll let you people into something. That's what I did, I stood and stare, shocked of what had happened. I promised myself that no one would hurt me anymore. So i defended myself, would you if you were me? I don't feel sorry for myself and so nobody should be... well that is, if any of you ACTUALLY care...

The anger inside her went on boiling and boiling, and she lay in bed that night she made a decision.

I'm sorry to let any of you readers down if you were into something that would be about me defending myself again. I do not really care how much you think about my appearances anymore. Despite the fact that i've never once said that i looked feminine/pretty/perfect.

Perhaps I'd blog about something more interesting in the future, perhaps I'd flam about someone again, a singaporean girl maybe? who'd know, perhaps I'd leave this blog neglected and to Rest In Peace. Who WOULD know?
..
...
..
...
well.. unless you're a real good fortune teller of course...

Each and every day went by. Not one day had she stop wondering what would happen next.