I Cannot Do This Anymore

I can't, i really can't.
i thought it would be good enough,
to not have you as mine,
and to just be by your side,
stick by your side,
loving you silently,
but so many times,
my emotions cloud my perception,
i act irrationally,
i regret doing what i did,
i apologize,
no use,
you're never going to be mine..

You planted a little seed of faith,
you nurtured it over the weeks,
just when the hopes are starting to come out of it's shell,
it was dug out,
every soil, every water, every hope, every dream,
gone after a few words were said.

I depended on you too much emotionally,
now that what i thought something i wished would happen,
have gone with the wind,
what i thought that could happen with just a little bit of faith,
and a lot of love, have also gone with the wind,
I would have to be strong for myself again,
this is heart breaking,
i never thought you'd be the one,
to do so,
and i really wished i could take it well.
but no,
it's just me being too vulnerable and useless again,
so as much as you want to blame yourself,
it really isn't much of your fault.
i was just pretty much dumb,
to have to fall for you.
at such a time.

But it's okay..
it really is..
I'll do my best,
for the next 44 days,
i'll heal myself,
for the next 44 days.
Thank you, for making leaving so much easier.
Thank you, for being such a significant person to me,
when i feel there's not a single one around me,
who truly cares.

It's hard to say this,
but I Love You, i really do..
Love found, Love lost,
Love really is for the weak hearted,
this has got to stop,
cupid, you've really got to stop.