I Have Forgotten

many things that i have never wanted to,
as I tried to take a glimpse at the past,
as bleak as it was to how my future is going to be,
i really wanted to remember,
how it was like before.

To compare,
was what I had to face before worse than it is now?
Or,
was it always the same things that have been bothering me?
Why?
do we as humans, tend to keep letting things,
as little as a slight hiccup in life bother you?

Are all the grieving and the sighing worth it?
all the self inflicted unhappiness?
all the self-pity?

all the,
attention seeking?

I honestly,
do not want to be who i am now,
with negative traits that tend to get on other people's nerves,
but,
I cannot help it.

And I really really do think,
and feel,
more than I've ever felt,
that I'm a parasite.

Run people,
before i eat on you,
until you have nothing left for me to be eaten.

I don't want to forget,
but I can't remember,
what happened in the past,
that made me want to forget things so much.
Remind me again?
or maybe..
not.