Aww.. She Read It.. What about Him?
Mm-hmm.. She read it. I do really hope our friendship will improve from today on. Wat bout He? Hmm.. I think anyone who is reading this is gonna be so confused. Mm.. This He I'm referring to is my best friend. I guess it'll take time for him to start realising that our friendship is well erm. how do i put it? Getting unattached? I don't have the right words to saythough.. Yesterday night's party was pure "kegilaa-an" as usual by this big big family of mine. I got my cousins around to b crazy with me. And it was then where I forgotten every bit. But as I started taking my first glass of whiskey, I remember the times when we had this kind of parties I would be drinking to drain away my pain. And then, I felt that sharp pain in my heart again. Seems to me that this feeling has always been inside of me, just that I sometimes forget about it.. But when I do remember, it hurts. It's like the feeling of being stabbed by the same sharp, shiny knife over and over and over again. It's like my heart has been squeezed and well.. I can't feel my heart beat anymore. Eventhough deep down inside it hurts, yet I still smile. Why do I hide my feelings? Why do I have to show others that I'm this hyperactive girl but yet deep down inside I actually am feeling awfully emotional? Don't cry out loud? But it hurts.. =( I seek answers to these questions that always lies on my head. Why do we have to care so much about our education? Why does my brothers always drive me so crazy? Why do I hate being the eldest? Why do I always have weird dreams? People in school and at home all see me as this cheerful, happy-go-lucky girl always. But why deep down inside I actually feel sad? Answers. Please. Why is life so.. Unpredictable, so torturing. But yet sometimes it's beautiful. After all, without sadness I would not know what does happiness means. Answers for me? Time will tell? I do really hope so..
4 comments:
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hey. i saw your blog address on your nickname, so i decided to check it out.
*sigh* it happened to us too, didn't it? the drifting away thing? it happened to me and a lot of my puay chai friends too. i don't know. maybe it's just me, 'cause i somehow always bump into other ex-puay chai-ans with, well, ex-puay chai-ans. peak sheng with daryll or feng ling, chii fen with pik yen and sue wei, bio with jia jian... all on their own lil outings. and i realised that somehow, i never managed to sustain a puay chai friendship to that level. where we still go on regular outings - reunions don't count. regular as in normal lepak or whatever. i drifted away from everyone, even when there wasn't much to drift away from in the first place. and i found new friends of my own.
it's sad when that happens, isn't it? people go their own ways and things are never the same again. but you know what? i've learnt to live with it. i've learnt that memories are just that - memories. memories of the past that are gone and can never be relived, but instead, can be cherished. because no matter how small a part that special someone may play in your life right now, it doesn't change the fact that he or she used to be a significant part of your life. and for me, the fact that he or she actually came into my life is enough for me to be thankful for. people come and people go, but the memory of their presence wil be crafted eternally into our hearts.
we drifted apart. but you always have and always will be my best friend. best in the sense that we've known each other for so long. best in the sense that you've been one of my biggest influences in life. and even though that may not be the truth right now, it was, some time ago.
as for the answers to your questions, i don't know about you but my life completely changed 360 degrees when i found God. He was the answer i had been looking for all my life. you never know if He might be yours.
Remember that God loves all of us, even you.
[:P-ZHEN-'05]
time wont tell.
you shouldn't just wait for answers. go find them.
and stop the questions.
time wont tell.
you shouldn't just wait for answers. go find them.
stop asking questions.
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